a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
