youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
