Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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