so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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