booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The feeling are messing with the penis
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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