The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
