Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
