my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
