Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
