just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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