i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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