you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
