Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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