Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't deserve a penis
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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