could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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