I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So. Much. Porn.
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