you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
