Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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