I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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