Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
