Do vagina's smell?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
