my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
