I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
