remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
