Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
