You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
