Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
