the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
