i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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