I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
