remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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