Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
