Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
