how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
