the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
one might say we're banned from that church
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
