I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
