I accidentally had phone sex last night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
