She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
