I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
