the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
