i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
