sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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