So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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