The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
