farters have to be the big spoon...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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