oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
