I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
