see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
