id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
