Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
